On my terms

Here is this thing about mistakes, sometimes even though you know something is a mistake you got to make it anyways.

Even really really dumb mistakes.

No? You must be a wise guy.

Most of the times I think I know myself well. And I am doing things which I should be doing, things I am living for, things I want to die for. But then I spend sometime with myself, and I see I am probably putting a little too much into things which are mere trivilities of life for me. And I ask myself, why Monkey? I haven’t still got the best of you, and you are putting that “little too much” into “things”.

What is it?
I get brought to field, and when I am asked to show how well can I play, I can’t just be casual.

Don’t you care about what are you playing for?
I do. And that’s the thing which keeps burning inside.

So alright, go home. Lose this one, but win the big one.
I promise I will win the big one, but I can’t lose. It’s not something I accept even in dreams.

Great, I am impressed. It’s not a stage, and you are not SRK.
You are yet to know me.

And I thought, at 27, I am well in sync with myself.
Good luck Monkey.
Be a game.

Don’t get disgusted, I get psychotic at times (more often that not, just to be frank ).

Seen from 6 billion kilometres away, Earth is a dot obscured in a beam of scattered sunlight (pinpointed by artificial blue circle)

Ever wondered why do we exist.
Is there really some reason behind it, or are we just a highly improbablitic consequence of a freaky accident?

If we believe that there is infact a reason for us to exist, what’s the reason behind that reason to exist? It looks like an unending chain of reasons and can not possibly terminate at a reason. To put it simply, if there is a reason for all this - what can that reason be. Is it that someone is trying to do something, and we are a part of his scheme of things. If that’s the case, let’s just see that someone as one of us, and ask him the same question. So going by this, it seems that there must be someone at some level who is doing something without a reason, or probably he is not doing it, its just happening. Or probably that someone is not even someone, its something - may be the universe and the way it exists.

So if there is no reason behind any of this, does that change anything in the way we think and live. Does that simply boil down our lives to an effort to sustain life? To think of it, that does looks like a reason. But that makes a very funny answer to the question put in front - We exist to exist.

Feel differently? Let’s discuss, it would be fun and who knows it might open up new gates in our understanding.

One day I was driving down to my office with a friend. On a traffic light, a beggar came knocking on my car and did all that he could to make us feel pity. But well I have been driving in Delhi for a long long time, and such things hardly make a difference now. Oh yea, atleast I am not the same fool as I used to be, but thats besides the point and is not what I want to write about at the moment.

So we started talking about how bad the things are, how majority of our people dont even have enough money to pay for their days’ meals, whereas some others have so much that bloggers like me find it hard to write down. This huge financial divide in our country has always made me think what can be done about it, because I believe thats one major reason for a lot of problems that our society faces today. If we can make our country such that the rich are probably a little less richer (I dont mind their being rich, just the wealth distribution across the classes is what I care about), and the poorest are not poor enough to earn their bread, then we are talking of a society where we all are ready together to move forward, and take our country to the next stage.

While I was driving looking through most of the things on the road, and thinking about all this, my friend said something which caught my attention. He said just because of all this poverty around, I have stopped making unnnecessary expenditures, have stopped going to expensive restraunts, etc etc. I have started valuing money more. I wondered if thats really a positive move. I thought about it but could not think of ways how it can help improve the things. Infact I realised thats quite contrary to what is required. When you spend your money, someone is making money. When someone makes money, he thinks of further ways of growing that money - which then leads to someone else also making money. As more and more money circulates around, it creates opportunities for others. And thats precisely what we require. We dont want to feed the poor, we want to create opporunties for them so that they can feed themselves. I discussed this with my friend. I think he kind of agreed with me - he was gazing towards the sky and nodding in agreement(?) - or so I think.